I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
