Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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