Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
