News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
