look no pants
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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