I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
