Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
