You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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