Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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