what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
