You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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