We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
