I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
