I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
