If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
