Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
