the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
