Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
