Moan for me like Helen Keller
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
