apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
