We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
