forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
