Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
