there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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