So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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