i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
