I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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