I think I died a long time ago.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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