she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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