We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You ruined the universe
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
