Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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