totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
