3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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