$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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