the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
