what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
