Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
