We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
