i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
