He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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