she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
