I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
