I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
