I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
