and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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