yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
