she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
