I could have mohawked her pubes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
