I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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