You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we're so committed to being not committed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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