remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
